I have questions for others who are suffering at the end of this post feel free to comment or PM me your answers . I’d appreciate it ! Hope this reaches someone else who needs it. i will reply to everyone.
As a kid ,One day/moment my family would tell me I was :
stupid/fat/a liar/ a traitor / piece of shit/ good for nothing / ugly/ selfish / compare me to people and tell me how much better the other person was than me etc.
Another day/ moment they would tell me how much they loved me, what they loved about me and that they are the only ones who love me !
The reason I feel so much guilt and miss them in my life is because this was normal for me. Even though I knew it was wrong ( cause I was afraid of their words and moods at all times) I never experienced anything else , and they make me feel like I am wrong for leaving them .
All I want is family who love me as much as I love them but instead they tore me down and built me up to be how they wanted, when this didn’t work and I broke away in their eyes I am the horrible person .
Sometimes it’s not as simple as hating people who abuse/ abused you. The hard part is that you believe they love you in their own way and you love them too much .
They make you feel:
*like you are nothing without them .
*you are selfish if you put yourself first .
*shame if you go against them ever.
*amazing when you make them happy which never lasts.
They make you think:
*They are the only person who matters.
*They are always right.
*Nothing you think or do in this world is right unless they reassure you it is . (you become dependent on this reassurance till you can’t trust yourself or own judgement).
*you can’t trust anybody but them. (push you away from people).
*They will protect you from being hurt by others.
*you are the problem.
- Does this sound familiar to anybody trying to get away from the guilt toxic relationships/families etc leave you with for breaking away?
- What was your experience ?
- What happened ?
- Do you miss them?
- How do you feel now ?
- Do you ever get to talk properly about how it to people who can listen and relate?
- Did you ask for help to get out of a situation or away from these people/person?